


Comforting Realisations

by Confused_Gull



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Brotherly Love, Character Study, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I don't have siblings idk what I'm doing, I'd just like to give them hugs., It's more focused on Samu and Tsumu, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Miya Atsumu Needs a Hug, Miya Osamu Needs a Hug, Relationship Study, SunaOsa has a small part, come get y'alls Miya Bois, is it sad?, needed to get this out of my head and into the world, they ain't that sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:48:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26779132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Confused_Gull/pseuds/Confused_Gull
Summary: Sometimes all it takes are those memories, those simple memories that lead to the most comforting realisations.....Atsumu and Osamu's thought on themselves and each other over the years.Day 4: Family[I have done this for myself, to get stuff out my brain and into the writing groove, just a heads up.]
Relationships: Miya Atsumu & Miya Osamu, mentioned Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou - Relationship
Comments: 3
Kudos: 63
Collections: Miya Twins Week 2020





	Comforting Realisations

**Author's Note:**

> I HAVE NOT BETA READ THIS. I'M FOOL. IM SLEEPY SORRY FOR MISTAKES.
> 
> Pls read the a.n at the bottom, I'm chiller there

Atsumu always looked upto Osamu, he wondered if the other ever realised.

Atsumu was always the more boisterous of the pair. He had a simple one track mind. If he wanted something, he would figure the best easiest way to achieve it and never stopped at anything to do so; whether it was stealing food from the kitchen or winning against kids on playgrounds. He never stopped moving and picking up on his surroundings while on the go, disregarding the situation near completely everytime.

Osamu was more slow, but not in a bad way. Stopping from time to time to look around. He cared about others in ways Atsumu wished he could. He listened to others, picked on people's feelings using it for the better unlike Atsumu who would plan on his own grabbing anyone else who wanted the same as him along, disregarding whatever they said, if they wanted the same thing as him, why would they complain right?

He hated yet understood why people chose Osamu over him.

Osamu always was perfect in Atsumu's eyes but he never hated his twin for it; instead he chose to help him, covering his image from any taint. He was a hopeless lost cause anyways. His brother was his everything. He was the only hope he had most of the time. No one cared for him otherwise. 

People would leave him all the time saying harsh words stabbing him over and over again. He never got why though. He gave them his all, why was it selfish to ask the same in return? Was he not good enough for that? If he was even, why didn't he ever feel like it? He always thought he was reasonable but maybe that wasn't the case..

His brother never seemed to have those problems, people flocked to him like moths to a flame, he seemed so independent and mature compared to him but he never felt threatened by that just sad that they couldn't have that together. He wanted to match his twin so that he wouldn't be left behind. He was scared someday even Samu would leave him like everyone else did.

He never wanted to see Osamu unhappy, alone or sad. Never wanted him to go through what he felt.

However much he annoyed his brother, stealing food and clothes, outright lying to his face or using harsh words during fight, he never wanted Osamu to feel abandoned or to abandon him. He always felt like he had no one.

No one who accepted him as he was. Dismissing how he felt, his love and passion for volleyball and how he was as a person.

Until he came to Inarizaki, finally finding people who felt like family, like a home he could come back to. Osamu felt the same.

Sometimes his brother looked unsteady, shaky, tensed around people, trying to fit in, reminding him of himself and exactly how similar they were, but whenever they were in the team he looked calm.

Atsumu thought it was because he was on the team that he cared for his brother he needed to bring out the best in his Spiker's didn't he? How stupid could he be? He never wanted to accept the fact that he was soft enough to care for his brother, his twin. Osamu always looked so carefree and aloof, unbothered nor caring about the world. People liked that right? If he did that would they like him?

Then Sunarin had shown up. Osamu and Suna had gotten together in their second year. He'd taken Samu away from him.

Atsumu couldn't have been happier, seeing that his twin had someone who cared as much as he did for him. Sure he loved Suna as well, he laughed at the fact they both fell in love with the same guy, but not as much as he loved his brother. Nothing could ever trump that.

He finally felt like he wouldn't need to worry about Osamu being alone. In the beginning he felt selfish, thinking Suna would take his brother from him but he had sat one evening and spoken to Suna, telling him everything, and how he felt, his biggest fear. He waited and thought about it again and again, scared of what a response he would get, would Suna make fun of him? Leave Osamu? Would he be good enough for his brother, or did Samu deserve better?

Thankfully, all his fears were washed away when Suna said he would never leave Osamu. He trusted Suna, he'd seen how much his brother trusted him aswell, and honestly who was he to deny whatever his twin wanted, he was always selfish anyways, maybe it was fine to put others before him.

He was always happy to see his brother happy. He buried his feelings inside and watched them both from afar. He sometimes wondered if that could have been him, cooking, eating with everyone accepting him, having Suna at his side, love and acceptance form everyone.....but it never felt right. 

He thought he would have to move on at some point from sticking to his brother.

But it really felt like he needed to move on from that when suddenly Osamu said he didn't want to do volleyball no more. The words piercing through him in the middle of practice, his heart dropped to the pit of his stomach and he lashed his fear in the only way he knew how. Anger. 

He knew deep down his brother's heart and soul wasn't in volleyball. Only really noticing and accepting it as fact after he'd said it to the team that evening and they had fought. Only after accepting and talking through it,( for the first time ever they had spoken through something), it really hit him how different his brother felt towards volleyball.

Unlike when he played volleyball, he noticed how sometimes Samu had an even calmer, more relaxed demeanor at home when he cooked, choosing to make them something to eat instead of takeout when they're parents were at work. Smiling more and chatting away. They'd gone for a family reunion and seen him helping in the kitchen, how reverently he handled the rice, how he held the it and pat it into the perfect shape when making onigiri, the glint in his eyes, the look of determination to achieve perfection and nothing less. How he learnt recipes from their grandmother by heart, practicing till he got them right. Learning all the tips and tricks, ingredient names and watching cooking shows when they weren't watching matches. How excited he got when Atsumu said the food he made was really good and when he seen people take second servings.

He truly understood how Osamu felt towards cooking and food, because he felt the same towards volleyball.

He seen the look in his brother's eyes. He could feel the determination, he remembered that feeling well, it was the same one he felt when he thought of how cool setters were as kids.

It still hurt breaking apart from the duo that they were, filling out different forms practicing different things. He was scared he would lose his other half forever. He was scared Osamu would feel alone like he did. He would never force him to do something he didn't have the heart to.

How selfish was he for wanting his twin at his side? To never leave him and support whatever he did? To follow him and his footsteps?

Osamu knew he was the more selfish of them. Atsumu would give his everything at first to anyone who asked; sometimes they didn't even have to do that, he would give his all to anyone who he wished and many a times it was everyone he met, only questioning and regretting later, seeing no one doing the same. He'd seen his twin be left broken so many times because of it. He remembers when they were kids how he told him he would be the exact opposite of Tsumu so people would like him and talk to him.

He was right in doing so. People did like him and talked to him, but that was only in comparison to his brother. 

He liked being liked, when people spoke to him, chose him. He never understood how his brother could just ignore people's words, he wished for that ability. Whatever anyone told him, he took to heart.

Words always buried deep into his chest, weighing him down, making him question whatever he did. Some of them stung, he hated those ones specifically, choosing to remove the anger on his twin. 

Words always messed him up so he kept silent. He never wanted to hurt others the way he was.

He was told he was too quiet. Too aloof. Distracted by everything other than food. Too much of everything other than what they thought was right. He remembers every word said by his parents and teacher's and others telling him that he was wasting his potential. He was capable of so much yet he was too lazy.

That word kept coming back to him.

Lazy.

It kept being repeated to him over and over again. People loved to drill that into his mind.

He tried to justify that he just didn't have the interest, but people didn't care. If you had the potential you have to make use of it. There are people who don't have the opportunities you do and would die to do so, be grateful. Appreciate what you have.

He was, don't get him wrong, but...what could he say? His heart was never truly in volleyball. He loved the sport because of his own nature, it was part of his system, ingrained into his muscles, written into his flesh and bones. He doesn't know who he would have been without volleyball in his life but he also understood that just because it was his nature, it wasn't his passion, it held a part, not the whole of him.

The only person who understood him was Inarizaki. He liked to think of them as a found family. They knew how he was and they accepted him for it. They accepted his brother as well. It was nice seeing Tsumu happy for once, he really didn't know how to deal with the crying he would hear from the bunk above his.

Atsumu always defended and took care of him first, regardless of how their relationship seemed. People always assumed they hated each other, but that couldn't be further from the truth. He loved his brother. It didn't matter how pissed he was about the lies and stealing of clothes and all, deep down the first person he would think of was his brother even if he never said it out loud.

They were always there for each other, whenever he was upset Tsumu would comfort him. Putting himself in front of Osamu. Taking the blame for his mistakes. Putting his own needs after his. 

That was one of the main reasons he convinced Tsumu to dye their hair, so he could finally take the blame for his own mistakes. Atsumu always pushed himself forward, along whatever path was in front of him for his passion. Osamu wasn't like that. 

People assume his twin is the more prideful one but they couldn't be more wrong and Osamu knew that. It was his fault and he understood. Even after the fight they had at the end of their second year. Atsumu had first asked him why. Why was he leaving volleyball? Why was he leaving him? Was anything not enough? Was it his fault? He always apologized first. He never did so verbally, instead buying pudding and putting it in his bag, letting him take the first controller. In his own ways, Osamu knew what they meant always, he returned the favour.

He remembered telling his brother he just didn't feel like it, unable to voice his own emotions properly. But the other boy had understood his feelings, he had expected another fit of anger, another punch, more pain. He paused to look the other; where he expected anger and hate, all he seen were eyes holding unshed tears back, his brother frowned slight before looking away and nodded, punching his shoulder lightly.

" Wipe 'way ya tears, I understan' volleyball's ma passion, but's not yers. As long as yer happy 'ts fine...just don't forge' it kay, don't be gettin' rusty on me. I'd still like to play with ya again someday. Anyday."

"I ain't taking it up professionally though." He was confused what the other meant.

"Ya I know, like when I come t' visit and all e'en then if ya don't wanna ta 'ts fine just when we're old men with one foot in the grave I'd like to play with ya another game. Ev'n if it's ma last."

When they were old.... Atsumu wasn't the best at expressing feelings verbally but Osamu heard the unspoken words. He had picked on it over the years. Simple actions hiding big words and scary feelings.

'I want my happiest and last memories to be you.'

They had fallen asleep on samu's bunk that day, both grateful that no permanent rift had formed between them despite the harsh words spat earlier. 

Memories of when they didn't interact for days at a time haunt him. The tears shed behind closed doors of bathrooms and bedrooms, on empty courts and kitchens and of painful bruises and scars, bloody knuckles, split lips and black eyes. It scared him sometimes that those could at any point have been the last.

But moments like these, when they reconciled, washed his over with relief. To be able to look at his brother without worry. Knowing that the anger was in the past, nothing being held to or against him; Atsumu had spoilt him more than anyone could comprehend. 

He never had to learn what it felt like to be alone, he could never and has never felt to be left behind or alone. Choosing to be nicer, to keep more quiet, to be chosen as normal. Hell, he had Suna, who was with him now.

He wondered if someone would love his brother the way Suna loved him. If his brother would find someone who wouldn't let him feel alone. Who could be there for him when he was too far away. He was never a religious guy but he had prayed for Atsumu that year at the shrine, to find someone, anyone who would be there for him when Osamu himself couldn't be.

Unlike his twin who was part of the 'Monster generation'. Who trudged forward regardless of if anyone stood by him. Who would stand proud and alone if he believed in himself. Osamu could never, needing validation from another, he always had Tsumu to back him up. 

He remembers going to college and culinary school, making line choices, remembered calling his brother at 3 in the morning knowing full well that the other had practice in a few hours, chatting about what he wanted to do, making the other pick between things, listening to his brother chat about his team, how Bokuto, and the rest were and both falling asleep in the middle of conversations.

His twin thought him that it was fine to be who they were, that it was fine they weren't the same, that never had to be. All they needed was already within them.

The memories of getting up when he heard Atsumu's alarm on the other end of the call, realising they never ended the call held a special place in his heart.

He wondered how he would ever survive without his twin. Someone who was a mirror of himself. Someone who has stayed by his side unlike any other person in the world. It was only now that they both are happy doing what they love, thriving in their fields he realises, maybe he never needs to.

The love between two brothers shared in comics being passed from one bunk to another, secrets shared in the middle of the night, hushed whispers under blankets and from top to bottom bunks, punches and jabs thrown from the time they were at school till they reached home and went to bed, morning till night, from before even being able to talk till where they stand now. It showed in meals and care packages with notes filled with cursing and name calling, of excuses of exclusion when the other was not well, it lived in the glares and kicks under the tables. But, it slipped up now and then though, showing itself in its true form, bleeding into nicknames, into stern talks given to life partners and friends, into held hands and blankets being spread over one another when they were sick, was the extra food or drinks they picked up when they went shopping and the calls they made when they were confused about something unbothered by the time.

Both of them were never divided by walls, they never were reflections of each other. They both were two people walking the same road on opposite sides. Like looking through a glass or sitting on opposite sides of a closed door. Always there for each other but not invasive, letting each other grow however they wished. Both were scared they would grow apart somehow if they weren't joint at the hip, the feeling of not having each other in close quaters a daunting thought; but sometimes the realisation that they were always there, before and now, even if visible or not, is all it takes to comfort both, to let them finally relax and fall asleep in their own respective beds. 

Who needed memories? They both thought sometimes, their school banner occasionally flashing through their minds, a picture of their first true place of belonging that was to claim, their chosen home. A place filled with so many memories both good and bad, of victory and failure, of growth and learning. But as they close their eyes, drifting of to sleep wherever, they smile.

Sometimes all it takes are those memories, those simple memories that lead to the most comforting realisations.

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo Icy bois, it's chiller here innit?
> 
> I don't have any siblings, (really wish I did cause it's really lonely sometimes but with an attitude and personality like mine u expect it to happen anyways lmao) so I got no experience if this is how it feels. I always think that ppl with sisters and brothers really have one another, no fear of truly being abandoned and stuff and having someone who has lived life with u and however y'all act y'all know deep inside that y'all have each other. 
> 
> Also, simplified version of the fic. 
> 
> T.L.D.R: Both look upto each other and don't realise it. Atsumu knows how it feels to be alone, doesn't want Osamu to know it, he feels like a burden. Osamu feels indistinguishable, ordinary unlike Atsumu and is easily affected by words, never wants anyone to feel like that. They both think of themselves as selfish and distant from each other, but sometimes they remember that that's wrong. They both like that thought alot
> 
> Sorry if there are any inconsistencies, this was a flow of consciousness thing, wrote whatever came to mind in two days till I reached a length I liked and decided that I really wanted to practice a bit of Angst™ for hqangstweek. Really loving the prompts and thought of just submitting this one for the twins bday along (a lil in advance) with a character and relationship study. Ground my thoughts on them a bit. Might even add this to MiyaWeek collection, heard about it late so I wasn't prepared *sad waluigi noises*
> 
> Anywho come chat on twitter @Confused_Gull about hq, JJBA or whatever, I don't mind, I got memes for days and would like some friends.
> 
> (Volume warning)
> 
> COMMENTS, KUDOS AND *-ESPECIALLY CRITIQUE IS APPRECIATED-.*
> 
> (Thank you for listening) 
> 
> Have an amazing daytime, nightime or whatever time you're having and I'll see y'all in the next fic.
> 
> P. S : SUNAOSA WEEK IS COMING UP AND I STILL HAVEN'T FINISHED MY FICS FRICK I GOT CLASS Y'ALL I AIN'T GON BE PREPARED AAAAHHHHH
> 
> Stay hydrated and take care ( ꈍᴗꈍ),  
> Confused_Gull


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